Baby Jealousy -- How to Tame the Green-Eyed Monsters

My younger sister, Tessa, was born when I was three months shy of my fourth birthday. I have no recollection of my mom's pregnancy but the flurry of excitement after she gave birth was memorable. "You now have a little sister," one said, "and she's a mestiza...very good looking," said another.

Filipinos consider light skin as something desirable because, for over three centuries, the ruling class was dominated by those of Spanish or American descent while poor farmers toiled the rice fields. At this young age, I didn't know what skin color had to do with anything but the praises that were being bestowed upon my sister left me feeling inferior and full of envy.

Arriving at the hospital, I was set on a chair propped beside the crib so that I could peer over the crib's edge on tiptoes. I expected to see the most darling, cute baby I had ever seen but what I beheld confused me. She isn't pretty at all, I thought. Plus, she had ugly birthmarks all over her head. What were they saying, I wondered. Later, to my chagrin, Tessa's spots faded away and she blossomed into the kindest, most beautiful little girl with long, wavy hair, and yes, light complexion. I learned to love her in many ways, but I also picked on her. It's something I regret to this day.

Baby jealousy may be a human instinct of self-preservation. Your child may be thinking thoughts like: I'm being replaced; Mom and dad love the baby more than me; Who's going to pay attention to me?; What about me?

When the baby is still in the oven, prepare your other children for the imminent arrival. Here are some things you can do.

1. Affirm to your children how special they are to you. Calm their concerns about being replaced by saying how much they mean to you and how dear they are.

2. Now that they're becoming a big sister or brother, tell them what it means with excitement.

3. Having a new playmate can be great news but temper their expectations by making clear how they'll need to wait for the baby to get bigger.

4. Let them know you'll be spending more time with the baby because babies can't do things for themselves right away.

After the baby arrives, the regular flow of your family life will be disrupted and the little one will be claiming your time. You can ease the transition by keeping these pointers in mind.

1. Devote some time to your other kids with activities they enjoy, like reading and games, so they won't feel left out. Spread the love with more hugs and kisses to make them feel secure.

2. Newborns are adorable to look at especially when they're sleeping. Share this darling moment with your kids. After the baby's nap, allow your children to contribute to the baby's care by holding the baby. You'll need to supervise this interaction closely but this opportunity to connect will foster a closer bond for the entire family.

3. Sing your children's praises when they display kindness toward the baby. Make them aware that you're proud of how nicely they're filling the shoes of a big sister or brother.

4. Be careful of how you say things. If you're using the baby as the excuse for not doing things, it will build resentment in your children. Instead of saying, "I can't help you because I'm changing the baby," try saying, "I can help you in a few minutes."

This is a joyous and challenging time for the growing family who are all adjusting to the new family dynamic, and so must you. Relax. Don't try to do everything flawlessly and allow your standards to lower, maybe order in a few meals and learn to live with some disarray for the time being. Focus on nurturing your family's relationship with each other. In the end, that's all that matters.