Being a Step Parent can be a Tough Job

If you think back to those fairy tales we've watched or heard about over the years, take a look at how the step parent was portrayed. Whether it was "Cinderella," "Hansel and Gretel," or even "Snow White," each one of them had an evil step mother who was considered the villain. So was it based on firsthand knowledge or how life played out when these pictures were created? Then again, it could be that these tales were just vivid imaginations running wild.

Honestly, it doesn't matter how these stories were rooted. The fact is there are several people out there today who associate step parenting behaviors with the characters from years ago. No matter how hard you try to rationalize it, you will still find several individuals thinking there are only a few degrees of separation between a stepparent and the Prince of Darkness.

Since this occurs all the time it's no surprise that most step parents are behind even before they begin. Romances and marriages can go from great to stagnate just from the thought of combining families. This is the equivalent to the sun diving for cover and all the black clouds closing the sky. What it comes down to is that step parenting can have a major effect on your love and passion for one another. Finding a way to maneuver around this emotional battlefield will be important or else there will be tons of heartache for the parents and the children. In order to do this, you have to establish both trust and friendship. Forget about love for right now because it's not the primary goal in the beginning. Instead, try focusing on other options that won't create issues in the future. After all, there are some step families that cannot tolerate one another for long periods of time.

Think about the children for a minute and realize how difficult it is to bring a new "parent" into the equation. If you get a better understanding of this in the beginning you will benefit more in the end. You're the adult here and it will be up to you to set the standards of appropriate behavior.

The older we get, the more we understand that it can be difficult to like a person and that if it does not always happen immediately. All you can do is try your hardest and don't think of every attack as a personal innuendo. It's important to remember that you're an adult and you set the standards when appropriate and polite behavior is involved. Everyone knows that true love takes time, and in the those first months or years it's important to create a foundation of friendship before anything else. This means honest communication and the establishment of trust. If you can find unconditional love it's great and will definitely hit you like a bolt of lightning. Then again, when it comes to stepparents and stepchildren, it's all about learning to be friends and grow, respect, and trust each other over the years. In the end, you will be able to provide each other with building blocks to create a healthy relationship that may eventually include love for each other.

While unconditional love is great and can hit you like a bolt of lightning, it doesn't work this way with stepparents and stepchildren. You have to learn to be friends first. Take the time to grow, respect, and trust each other from the beginning and you will be rewarded with a healthy relationship. Eventually you may even find love for one another. The main thing to remember here is that you don't attach a timetable with your emotions. Every situation is different and the children will be aware of any "shenanigans" you try to pull. If you're messing with their head they will definitely pick up on it and the situation will be worse.

Since you are the step parent, it's important to establish the basic boundaries and normal tendencies that will be present in the household. If you're afraid of conflict then you will suffer the consequences in the relationship. Once you understand that discipline and rewards are a part of life and integrate it into your own, your children will be receptive if they respect you.

Most importantly you don't want to try and replace the mother or father. This can play a major role on how the relationship goes, so refrain from this at all costs. However, having your own place in the family unit is crucial, and the step child and the biological parents should know that you can all co-exist in the life of the children. Providing, support, acceptance, forgiveness, openness, and a non-judgmental attitude will make a huge difference. In the end, if they understand you care for them and are there for them, eventually everything else will fall into place.

If you're open, accepting and responsible you can develop that trust and respect both of you need. So if there ever comes a time when the temptations to engage in behavior associated with "Step Parents Gone Wild" happens, we highly recommend refraining. This is especially true when discussing the non-residential parent. What it comes down to is if you take the best path to creating a healthy relationship everyone wins.

Now get out there and prove all those ridiculous fairy tale step parent stories wrong.