Early Toilet Training. Part 1, Toilet Training the Grandmother Style

In order to understand what to do with the newly adopted child, who was partially trained or abused during the toilet training process, we first have to determine what exactly is early toilet training and what is the difference in perception of toilet training in Russia and in the United States.

This particular article deals with healthy, well-adjusted children, who are at least able to crawl and with lucky families, who are able to provide conditions for such training.

It is very important to understand, that timing of toilet training is mostly a cultural decision.

The whole purpose of early training is to show the child WHERE to do it, rather than to give him a responsibility of making a decision TO DO OR NOT TO DO, like it is done here in the States. Both systems do work and both have their pluses and minuses.

In 2003 in their article "Relationship between age at initiation of toilet training and duration of training: a prospective study", published in Pediatrics 2003 Apr;111(4 Pt 1):810-4, Blum, Taubman and Nemeth presented an unexpected conclusion, that "Younger age at initiation of intensive toilet training was not associated with constipation, stool withholding, or stool toileting refusal." Authors did not find any differences in the age of toilet training completion between the "early" and the "late" groups. Therefore, the major difference (according to them and according to my personal observations) was that the early toilet training was easier, more natural is the process with the lower probability of complications, well known to American doctors, but extremely rare in other ("early") countries.

Control of defecation and urination is the same body function as eating, sleeping, walking and talking. Eventually, every healthy person learns to do it. It is another question, how this control was achieved and how this particular person is using this particular control.

Toddlers and young children have some very powerful ways to control adults. The major three are behavior (temper tantrums), feeding (picky toddlers) and toilet training. The same way children can refuse to eat just to make mom upset and to get cookies instead of carrots or refuse to behave in public or a home or both, they can manipulate with toilet training too. Very often during "late" toilet training children can refuse to use the toilet and will "hold" urine and/or stool until placed in the diaper again or until becoming completely constipated.
So, anatomically and physiologically children are ready to begin toilet training at the time they start crawling and are ready to be successfully trained by the time they are steadily walking. The good thing about early training is that small children are not showing as much negativism as toddlers and the probability of a power struggle is much smaller. Infants and young toddlers want to please you and do not mind trying new things. If your child resists sitting on the potty - don't fight, don't push - she wants to do it the American way, let her do it, - this is a free country!;-)

As long as your child as able to sit unassisted, you can create a routine of putting your baby on a potty for 2-3 min (note the time!) - as long as your baby agrees to sit there with a diaper off. When to do it? At least 6-8 times a day, when the probability of urination and/or defecation is high. Usually it is the time after waking up in the morning and after naps, after each meal, before sleep, before leaving the house and when the stretch between visits to the bathroom is longer than 2 hours. Always go to the bathroom before leaving any place - home, hotel, restaurant, clinic, airplane etc. (That is a good tip for adults too). Having loose stools actually helps with toilet training - every time you put your baby on the potty they will have higher probability of success! Praise your baby for succeeding and do not notice failures. You can continue to use diapers or you can use underwear.
The purpose of diapers is your convenience. Keep changing those diapers as frequently as possible - do not let your child to be in a wet or dirty diaper for too long. Modern diapers can hold incredible amount of urine and some parents are cheating on diaper changes in older infants in order to keep amount of used diapers down - they can be costly! Let your child to get used to the clean and dry diaper only.

Pull-ups are just expensive diapers, and, unless your day care requires them - your child does not need pull-ups. For training sake use the cheapest, the least absorbent diapers, so your child will feel wetness immediately. For added effect you can put a piece of soft paper towel or gauze in the diaper - so it would be not as absorbent. For a child with the frequent loose stools diapers are more appropriate than underwear. When traveling, for pure security, use highly absorbent diapers, but keep changing them frequently.

You can use underwear when your child has formed stools, walking steadily, using potty without hesitation and you are able to provide easy access to the potty at any moment. In a child, who is not completely toilet-trained, underwear can be used in controlled setting, when a little accident would not create a big problem. For example, when you will have to spend some time in the kitchen cooking or during summer, when you can let your child to "fertilize" your lawn. Keeping your child without underwear would not help with or speed the process of toilet training.

NEVER ask your child - "Do you want to go potty?" Believe me, the answer most of the time will be big time NO! - kids have more important things to do. Be assertive – “IT IS TIME TO GO POTTY”. But, if your child is asking to do it – calmly respond immediately, even if you suspect that she is faking.

Early toilet training in boys can be a little bit tricky - it is better for small boys to urinate in a sitting position until they are completely trained for both defecation and urination. This way they would not have to separate urge for defecation and urination until they are mature enough to do it. Make sure that during such training all males around your son are urinating in the same sitting position.

Usually with the early toilet-training children are achieving bowel control first and bladder control second, as opposed to the "late" training, when bladder control comes first.
What to use - toilet or potty? For early toilet training potty is more appropriate. In any way, child has to sit with his feet firmly on the floor, enabling him to push. Those pictures with children sitting on the toilet seat with their legs swinging in the air are very misleading. Just imagine yourself trying to push using a toilet seat, which is as high as an exam table in the doctor's office. Potties also can be convenient if you don't have easy access to the bathroom. Most of 3-4 year olds (depending on the height) can easily use a regular toilet seat with or without a footstool to help with pushing.

Please remember that in any type of toilet training your child’s success - is his victory, but if an accident happens - it is usually not his fault.

This article was originally posted on www.welcomegarden.com in August 2002

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The information appearing here is intended for educational purposes only. It should not be used as a substitute for professional medical advice tailored to your child's individual needs. If you have questions or concerns regarding your child's physical or mental health, please seek assistance from a qualified healthcare provider.