Helping Children Cope with Violence

Witnessing violence on television or in video games really pales in comparison to witnessing violence in real life situations. Children who have been exposed to violence, such as neighborhood shootings, abusive parents, bullying at school, and so on, may develop signs of post-traumatic stress disorder, more commonly known as PTSD. PTSD leads to poor grades, difficulty concentrating, severe depression, and sometimes suicide if it is not managed with proper coping skills. Children who have witnessed real life violence are in serious danger mentally and emotionally.

Psychologists use a particular training method called "cognitive behavior therapy" to teach children skills to cope with violence. It is not as difficult as it sounds, and many psychologists are trained in the methods of cognitive behavior therapy. In fact, parents and teachers use these methods all the time without knowing it because there are sensible ways to raise children who cope with difficult situations.

Coping Skill #1: Face Fear in a Safe Environment

Children who do not face their fears internalize them, which may destroy their developing sense of self. However, these fears must be faced in a safe environment with a supportive adult who can work with the child to understand the fear.

For instance, if a child is afraid to go to school because of violence created by bullies, a caring adult can lead the child to talk about how they feel. Identifying triggers such as seeing the kid who beats up other kids, walking alone in the hallway or home from school, or hearing the bell for lunch time, helps the child and adult to diffuse the fear and understand what is going on inside their heads and hearts.

The coping skill the child learns through this exercise is how to distinguish between situations which really pose a threat and situations which are not threatening but still cause fear. Imagined threats can be solved with the child's own inner strengths. Truly bad situations must be solved through other interventions.

Coping Skill #2: Effective Social Problem Solving

If children are the victims of violence, they may have trouble relating to peers and adults because proper models of effective social interaction do not exist in their world. Even minor conflicts may cause outbursts. Cognitive behavior therapists teach children how to cope with social interactions.

The therapist starts with examples such as stories which detail problem situations. The child is asked leading questions as to how the characters should solve the problem peacefully. Through these learning exercises, the adult leads the child into considering all sides of the situation before deciding on an action.

Proper social problem-solving skills may help the child avoid violence, but they will certainly help the child manage his or her reaction to violence if it does happen. There are situations in which no coping skills will help avoid conflict but most of the time problems can be solved peacefully.

Coping Strategy #3: Create a Support Network for the Child

Ideally, the child's parents or direct guardians will be involved in all efforts to help the child cope with violence. This type of support network in which everyone is working toward the goal of a healthy child is far more effective than simply teaching the child a few strategies and letting him loose.

Any lesson which is taught by a professional must be carried over into the child's everyday life. This is where a support network of caring adults reinforces the lessons and encourages the child to think for himself and solve problems.

The support network also provides safety for the child. He knows where to go if the only solution is to avoid a violent confrontation. He also knows where to go if fear and conflict become unmanageable. These caring adults must never put the child down for poor coping skills; these skills are learned over a lifetime, after exposure to many life situations.

Deal with Depression and PTSD Immediately

It is very important for adults to learn the signs of depression and post-traumatic stress disorder if they know a child has been exposed to violence. These emotional disorders can lead to suicide if they are not treated properly. If you think a child who has been exposed to violence is in danger, talk to a qualified psychologist or other trained professional immediately.

You must always keep in mind that coping skills are not learned overnight. They require much practice and loving support from caring adults. Encourage the child to talk about feelings in a safe and non-threatening way. This will help externalize feelings about violence and help them learn a very good skill for solving emotional problems.