It Is Not Impossible to Adapt to Adoption

Do you tell your child the truth?

Honesty is the best policy, especially in the case of adoption. The hardest questions are about 'why did my real parents give me up?' You will want to make an effort to help preserve child's sense of worth by helping them understand that their parents couldn't, for whatever reason, 'take care of you as well as they knew you deserved, so they decided to put you in a family that would be able to give you the love and care you need.'

When your child says that you look very different acknowledge that fact and ask how they feel about it. Children ask different questions at different times in their development. Considering the child's feelings will help you understand what's really on the child's mind.

Dealing with Bias, Discrimination and Bullying

When children are seen as different, due to their family situation, the tone of their skin or the slant of their eyes, can be forced to deal with bullying. Your child�s primary protector is you. Bullying needs to be dealt with straight away by intervening with teachers and other families. Children shouldn't have to suffer bullying. Help prevent bullying by actively letting your child's schoolmates understand how valuable the differences in your child.

Think about asking your child's teacher or the principal if you (or they) can teach about all of the different kinds of families as a special presentation in November, during National Adoption Month. Children will understand that adoption is just one way a family is formed, just like how two previously married people blend their families or going to live with Grandma.

If yours is a child of color and/or a child from another country, teach his or her classmates about that culture so that your child is viewed as interesting and cool rather than different.

Rebellion

Your child may feel angry about being given up by his/her biological parents, anger at you for adopting him or her, anger at everyone else because he must deal with challenges that they do not. While every circumstance is different, adoptive parents generally try very hard to understand and respect that anger and, most of all, to not take it personally.

Experience the Joy

You may have challenges but you also have the joy that comes with raising a child. Find other adoptive families and create friendships with them. You will realize that they are a little bit extra special because they climbed a steeper path to create their families and they cherish those families even more for the extra effort it took to come together.