Overcoming Shyness in Children

It's hard to be certain whether a toddler's shyness is something that will remain with her during life, or if she's simply behaving like a normal child of this age. So, instead of worrying about her shyness, or trying to find a solution to it, try to find ways you can assist her to have good feelings about herself and others, and to feel happy about interacting socially with other adults and children. With guidance even naturally shy children can become outgoing, confident adults (although that shy child will most likely always remain somewhere deep inside). You can help your child reach this goal by:

Accepting her shyness

This can be difficult if you're a naturally outgoing individual yourself, but is very important. Your child is a unique individual and can't be expected to feel and behave identically to you. If you feel that her shyness is a shortfall and express disatisfaction with her limited social skills, then you can cause your toddler to withdraw further. Instead, simply let her know that you love her just how she is.

Don't attach a label

If you describe your toddler as "shy" when you're talking to or about her, then this label is likely to stick in her mind and she'll come to accept it as a fact. This could then encourage her shyness, even if it isn't inborn. Later, she may use the label "shy" as a way of getting out of uncomfortable or difficult social situations. Don't point out or praise more outgoing children - you'll hurt her feelings and damage her self-esteem. And of course, a lack of self-esteem will only make her shyness worse.

Encouragement

Don't push your child into social situations, but gently encourage her to participate in group play, and help her break the ice if needed. Initially she might find it less scary to mix with slightly younger children as she won't feel threatened and, indeed as the "big girl" might feel more confident.

Practice

Why not try some role play? Maybe her teddy or a doll is on the edge of the playground, wanting to join in a game, but is worried about trying. Ask your toddler for advice and consider some good suggestions for joining in. Your child will be able to utilize this material if she is in a similar situation later - children are great imitators.

Preparation

Some children are especially sensitive to new situations, and this sensitivity will demonstrate itself as shyness. Get your toddler to playgroup , parties, or pre-school a few minutes early so she has time to be acclimatized and be engrossed in activity when the others get there. If you do arrive late, then be sure to tell your toddler before you walk in just what you're going to do and what she can expect.

Remember, your child is still very young and will most likely grow out of her shyness. Meanwhile if you see her gazing longingly at a group of children at play, and she seems to want to join in, but shyness is holding her back, then try offering a few ideas. Don't push her forwards before she's ready, but suggest a way in, for example "Why don't you go over and see if those other girls would like to look at your new doll?" Or if she's very timid, then offer to accompany her and hold her hand for a while.

If shyness carrys on once your toddler has turned three, and if you feel it is interfering with her activities, talk about the problem with your doctor. There are counselling options and early, gentle help can successfully help with extreme shyness in young children.