Teach your Kids Good Manners

Young children need to learn how to stand up for themselves, but at the same time learn to take into account and respect the feelings and rights of others as well - in other words, they need to be taught good manners. It is possible to teach children good manners without subjecting them to the repression of previous years - who can remember being told "don't speak until you're spoken to"?" Start your young child on the road to good manners now with the following tips:

Lay the foundations

Good manners aren't just about knowing when to say "excuse me" and "thank you" and which cutlery to use with each course. The over-riding concept behind good manners is consideration towards others. In other words, saying "excuse me" and "thank you" should mean that you care, not that you've simply learned to use these words. So, to raise a well-mannered child you need to teach the "why" of etiquette along with the "how". What you're really trying to do is teach manners that come from within - you're endeavouring to raise a caring, respectful child. Set a good example

The best method of teaching your child good manners is to use them yourself. So don't forget to say "please" and "thank you" when it's needed, "excuse me" when you bump into someone, chew with your mouth closed and request the salt to be passed to you rather than reaching across someone to get hold of it. But most importantly, don't forget to show your good manners to your toddler. Say "please" when you ask him to do something, and "thank you" when he does something for you. Apologise if you accidentally knock over his stack of bricks and you'll be teaching him consideration, respect and care for other people's feelings.

Speak for your toddler

At first your child won't understand that good manners involve saying "thank you for having me" at the end of a play date - so it's up to you to say it for them. They'll hear you using appropriate responses in social situations and your example will teach your child much more about courtesy than any amount of prodding or nagging. If you're always saying "Now, what do you say?" to your child, they'll find this annoying and possibly humiliating and may become even more unlikely to make the right response. It doesn't hurt to remind them sometimes, but it's best to wait until you're on your own.

Don't pressurise your child

Nagging about displaying good manners, or punishing your child for not saying "please" and "thank you" will teach them the polite responses, but won't install a positive feeling about good manners. This means that your child will be unlikely to behave courteously when you're not there to enforce the rules.

Be consistent

Pressurising your child isn't appropriate, but reminding about good manners is. When you're alone together and your toddler doesn't remember to say please, ask "What's the magic word?" If you get the right response, that's wonderful. If not, fill in the blank space for your child. At least you'll have made it clear that you believe good manners are important.

Listen to your toddler

Children who are listened to make better listeners themselves. Being a good listener is an important part of being a polite and considerate individual.

Above all, have realistic expectations. From remembering to say "thank you" to being happy to share a favourite toy, it will take many years of teaching and reminding before your child displays good manners automatically. But do carry on, and some day you'll be very pleased when someone remarks, "My, your child has such good manners!"